The Random Thoughts and Rumblings of a Disgruntled Gryphon...
January 20, 2005 (Thursday): 3:12 AM
Outside is: Chilly
Mood is: Stuffed
Music is: Not playing right now
Yay for my own little nook on the Freak-Lynx page. Not too sure how insightful I can be with my skewed viewpoints, but
what the hell. It's late, I'm bored, and after eating two loaves of Hawaiian bread, I don't wanna move. Keeping myself amused
is what I live for, after all.
January 29, 2005 (Saturday): 11:45 PM
Outside is: Snowing... sort of. Kind of raining. I don't know. Like I'm gonna go out there and check.
Mood is: Energetic
Music is: "Everyday" by Way Out West
Computer is now back and functioning, and I have been doing as predicted- sitting in front of it playing Neverwinter Nights
like a damned addict. Damn you, Bioware! I should be writing! Argh!
[rant] On that note, I will ask a completely unrelated question. Why are dog bites, I mean small-ass dog bites, such a big
goddamn deal? While all the legal bullshit? Why all the soap opera-esque drama crap? You know what happened when a dog bit
me as a child? I cried, told my parents, and they put a damn band-aid on it. That's all! Why do I have to worry about my dogs
being euthanized over a little nip? For crying out loud people, they're animals. Grrrrr.... now my fuzzy little children are in the
Aurora Animal Shelter's quarantine. What a way to introduce ourselves as the new neighbors, too. "Oh, hi! We're the Roes!
What's that? My dogs just mauled your teenager?" (Okay, they didn't maul him, all right? They nipped his leg and it hardly bled.)
So my point is (and I *do* have one) that maybe maybe we shouldn't stop the presses and lose our shit over dog bites.
Seriously. [/rant]
Anyhow, I would like to take a moment to mention that the new Oddworld game kicks ass. Where else can you smack a
bunch of chicken-people around and earn money from it?
(Note- I apologize if I'm spelling like a dumbass.)
February 8, 2005 (Tuesday): 1:08 AM
Outside is: Kind of cold.
Mood is: Relaxed
Music is: "Yuki Song" by Deep Forest
I feel guilty for some reason. I don't know why, but I do. At least, I'm pretty sure it's guilt. What I have to be guilty about,
I don't know. But damn it, it feels like guilt! What the hell?
I haven't been keeping up so well with the message board that I visit. It's sapped out by the same filthy, angsty drama that
so pollutes daytime television. I can only listen to a bunch of teenagers howling about how abused they are by their parents
before I lose ineterest. Or how they all seem to be "struggling" with their sexual orientations. Why is everyone online so
willing to discuss this? Isn't that kind of... personal? Why is it that every other woman I talk to tells me that they are a
lesbian? To what purpose? Then they go on guy-bashing binges and remind everyone they encounter on the board that they
are lesbians, and proud of it! And that makes 'em better, more enlightened than us straight folk! What the hell? It's as if being
gay is now the fad among teens. It's kind of an insult to the people I know who are gay and have spent the better part of their
lives getting flack for it. This fad- it has nothing to do with love or attraction to other people- it's just about trying to fit in by
being unique. Does that make sense? Someone help me, I'm getting all confused now.
February 17, 2005 (Thursday): 12:48 AM
Outside is: Damn Cold
Mood is: Awake
Music is: "Extreme Ways" by Moby
Spirituality reared its head in a conversation yesterday, and when asked about my viewpoints, I just ended up
stuttering and shuffling. Most people can say: "I love my god, and I'm proud and happy!" And me? My beliefs are a
strange mix of agnosticism, Buddhism, and grandiosity. Five years ago, I didn't have this problem. I was set in my
ways, and I believed it all without wavering. Now? I just stutter and shuffle, saying that I don't know what to believe
anymore. Sometimes, I look back on my years as a spiritual person and call myself a fool for it, but I know, deep
down, that I haven't lost every ounce of my spiritual self. I believe that maybe *something* is out there, but calling it
god and saying that it loves us is something I'm not ready to accept. The conversation must have struck a certain nerve
with me, though, because now I'm flipping through the texts of the Sehetch-Ur again, trying to rekindle what I used to
feel. Of course, reading anything translated by Budge decades ago is, in itself, a tedious exercise of faith and patience
and devotion.
That said, sometimes it's interesting to hear the off-beat beliefs of friends. Not everyone is straight-as-an-arrow
Christian these days, and many people, like Tallon and myself, seem to come to their own conclusions. That's not a
crime, you know.
Okay. Shutting up now and resuming my writing.
February 26, 2005 (Saturday): 5:38 AM
Outside is: Somewhat Cold
Mood is: Restless and Grouchy
Music is: "Sober" by Tool
Writing is one of those hobbies that I have that tend to generate deep-seated feelings and memories of discomfort. I
look back on the books that I have written, the ridicule I've encountered from dumb-ass people who bashed my writing
because they knew it would hurt me personally, and the indifference that comes with telling people "I write books".
Unless it's published, it doesn't generate great interest. I mention this all because it's on my mind and I'm currently
tackling a pretty big project. Sometimes, with books that I write, I will make replicas of artifacts or weapons that I
write about, because it inspires me further. I've been ridiculed for this too, with claims that I "can't separate fantasy
from reality". I heard somewhere that J.K. Rowling has tons of written information on individual characters, and most
of it will never make it into her books. She does this to make her characters more realistic to her, and thus easier to
write about. If I do such a thing, I am bullied for it, and it tends to drive me insane after a while. Whatever happened to
the idea of being creative and whimsical. Where the hell did that all go? I just want, for once, to feel good about the
writing that I do, and the hobbies I have surrounding my writing. If anything, creating replicas and illustrations for my
books has improved my artistic ability somewhat. Am I truly psychotic, or is my ex-roommate full of rancid bullshit?
He never did like me, and he still tells people I'm a psychopath. I don't know... someone help me out here and tell me
I'm not psychotic... and be sincere about it. Maybe that's all I need to hear.
And with that, I am retiring to bed, where I can spend another few hours tossing and turning. God I hate this
insomnia crap.
March 8, 2005 (Tuesday): 3:41 AM
Outside is: Kinda cold
Mood is: Productive
Music is: "That Voice Again" by Peter Gabriel
As you might have seen on the main page, we've situated a nice big link to the site of Cotherian. If you don't
know what a "Therian" is, I shouldn't be the one to explain it in full detail. I believe in it, though there are many
things I do not understand. The base belief is that a Therian (or Otherkin) is a human who has the spirit of an
animal. And so groups like the Cotherian (which stands for Colorado Therianthropes) explore the possibilities behind
these spiritual beliefs, while simultaneously offering info, resources, and support to other people who might be
experiencing something similar. If this sounds like something interesting, you can check out www.cotherian.org. If
I'm correct, there will eventually be a small message board. I don't know. Just give a look already.
As for other news, I've been writing up a storm lately, and I find that to be quite a relief. For those that don't
know (and most folks don't), I'm working on a joint writing project that will span over quite a few books. It sounds
almost too big to swallow right now, but the work we've been doing is impressive. Aside from Orion, I don't think
I've actually helped to develop a more complex and detailed world. Most of what I'm writing currently is BS that will
never be used in the books. But it helps me get some ideas out into the open, and it also gives me a good outlet to
experiement with characters and their personalities a bit. What I have in that regard is about 60+ pages of excerpts,
notes, and dialogues that give me a better understanding of the characters I am writing about. And stop laughing. It
actually does help the story.
March 22, 2005 (Monday): 3:20 AM
Outside is: Drizzly
Mood is: Restless
Music is: "Gold is Your Metal" remix by Way Out West
A part of me wants to rant on about the ban that was lifted from oil drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, or
the hulabaloo surrounding the whole Schaivo case. But my opinions on those can be summed up as the following,
respectively: "What the f*ck are we doing?!" and "Enough is enough!" There. My opinions.
So a neo-Nazi teenager made a mess of his school in Minnesota, did he? That's a shame. When I was in school, I
seriously hated my peers. They pushed me around, humiliated the hell out of me, and made me feel like shit on a daily
basis. But the thought of killing them and robbing them of the right to life? Not so appealing. This brings up the same
thoughts and opinions that had in high school when neighboring Columbine HS was shot up- do these kids really have any
clue as to how serious this is? Would they know the severity of what they have done? By all means, they are responsible
for their actions and aware enough to know what they're doing. But are they looking at this sort of thing in-depth before
they go through with it? I doubt it. Sad, sick little world that we live in.